I hope you are having a spectacular day! I find myself in a strange predicament:
I am all by myself! All alone. My husband is out of town on business and so I have to entertain myself. Harumph. I feel like a little kid. I don’t make the bed in the morning. I leave clothes strewn about. I am Eloise in the big hotel with no adult supervision. At first, I decide that I must must MUST have plans. I couldn’t possibly just be alone and do nothing. No no NO. I call my sister. She’s going to a taping of “Dancing with the Stars.” Darn it. I call one of my best gal pals. She has to work. Poop. I call a few others. “Come play with me!” No luck. It seems everyone has better things to do then come and keep me company.
At 6:00, I put in the spaghetti squash to roast because, hell, I got the damn squash and when you eat alone, you eat some random stuff. I recall many single nights eating string cheese and steamed snap peas or maybe cereal. I love cereal. I know. Not exactly gourmet. At 7:00, I open a bottle of wine. I debate whether I should open the $16 bottle or the $8 bottle. Perhaps I should wait to have the nicer bottle with my husband. But then I get empowered and say “Hey, it’s my wine too and it’s a measly $16!!! What are you worrying about woman?! I consider this while feeding the dog. I open the nicer wine and pour myself a glass and try to find something decent to watch on tv. It’s all crap. I sigh.
I cook some chicken and eat it with the squash. That took 15 minutes. Now what? It’s only 8 p.m. and I am completely bored. I try to remember how the hell I spent my time when I was single. Didn’t I go crazy sitting at home? I recall going out to dinner, movies with my friends. How quickly my social calendar has filled up with “dinner with hubby.” It’s funny that now married 4 1/2 months, I am still not so thrilled about being “home alone.” I suppose if I was married 10 years, I would probably be leaping for joy at having the house to myself. I have always been very social and prefer to have people around.
I should have gone to yoga, but that would have been way too productive. So after eating a huge bowl of ice cream and sobbing at the finale of GLEE, I realize I must be in severe PMS stage. Maybe it’s best that my husband is not around.
Sitting on the couch alone suddenly takes me back to last year when Jonathan and I were just dating and I was a visitor at the house. I felt now that awkwardness of being alone in someone else’s house. Although this was now OUR house, together as man and wife. Looking around, I see all the redecorating we did together as a couple. I need to learn to really feel that this is my house too and that will take time. There are moments when I feel right at home and then moments when I feel like I am in a foreign place. It’s really weird. It’s amazing how your home defines who you are. It is a reflection of you. The good news is that I have forever to make this place my own and truly identify with it. For now, my dog Winnie and I will cozy up on the couch and wait for the hubby to come home to us!!
Note to the ladies – be thankful for what you have, where you are RIGHT NOW. Light a candle, open some nice wine, buy a little house item that will make you smile. You deserve it. When you are married and have kids screaming and the husband is driving you nuts, you will pray for a quiet moment to yourself. When you are single and at home alone, you will be dreaming of being with someone, cuddling up. When you live in the city, you dream of the countryside. When you live in the suburbs, you want to go to the big bad city. So Just for right now, at this moment, just BE.
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