Wednesday, December 29, 2010


LADIES – CONGRATULATIONS for making it through the holidays!!! I myself am so proud that I made it through without completely losing my mind and winding up in the loony bin. It took a ton of willpower but I did it. Next year, I may need valium.

Two days until 2011 begins and it is a time we can all be thankful that we made it through another hectic year. Some of us may be very excited for what the new year holds. Some of us may be facing some new challenges and feel stressed about the unknown. That is okay. The most wonderful (and terrible) thing about life is that it changes. If things are just awful right now, they will get better. Have faith in that. If things are amazing right now, they could not always be that way. So enjoy it to the fullest!

Know that the next year is what you put into it. So why not start off with some excellent karma?? I want you to think:

You may be thinking to yourself – what the hell has Lindsley been drinking?? She has never been BFFs with Jesus so WTF? Well, what I am talking about is WHAT WOULD JIMMY DO? As in Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life.”  This movie is so inspiring and every single time I watch it, I think “Why can’t we all be more like Jimmy Stewart?” He gave money and help to poor people. He protected his buffoon of an uncle no matter what. He always had hope no matter how bad it got. Everyone in town loved him. So I say to thee my Ladies in the Pink – with your actions and thoughts, just think WWJD and I guarantee you will be uplifted to a better way of life. Here are some ideas:

MAN UP – when Jimmy loses his sh*t at home and screams at his daughter playing the piano, and yells at his wife, we want to scream “Jimmy – noooooo!” But he quickly realizes (with the help of his most excellent wife) that he has done wrong. And he formally apologizes to everyone. He tells his daughter she doesn’t deserve to be talked to that way, and he’s right. So, the next time you are frustrated, angry, fed up, DON’T scream at your kids, spouse, boyfriend, sibling. Go to the bathroom. I’M SERIOUS. Go sit on the toilet or take a shower or bath and COOL OFF. Just 10 minutes will let you properly think about what is happening and deal with it intelligently and not emotionally. Try it and let me know if it worked for you. (Incidentally, my husband thinks I go to the bathroom way too much.) If you lost it, especially on your kids, go apologize. Man up. I can’t tell you how many adults I see screaming at their poor kids because they can’t handle their own stress. Pathetic and makes me want to call Child Services.


In the movie, Jimmy Stewart never gets to go to Europe or anywhere else for that matter because he is too busy saving everyone else. The concept that we should spend all of our time helping others is a wonderful one but unrealistic. This was a movie after all, and there are few Mother Theresa’s out there. However, the next time you do something for yourself (which I hope you do often because you need to treat yourself well), do something for someone else too. If you go shopping and buy $100 worth of clothes or goods, make a mental note to go home and donate online $10 to a charity. If you book a trip, same thing. Decide that you won’t have your $5 Starbucks one day a week and donate that $20 you just saved that month to someone. Or buy something for someone else. Charity doesn’t just mean giving to the poor. Christmas is not the only time to make someone smile with a gift. My husband brings me flowers every now and then for no reason and let me tell you, that $20 spent on me makes me feel like a Princess.


Jimmy Stewart needed a guardian angel to change his attitude and let him see that he actually had it pretty good. I doubt an angel is visiting me anytime soon, so I’m going to have to do it for myself and you can too. Don’t like your life? Do something about it. A friend of mine is STILL complaining about her job 2 years later. Another friend stayed 5 years in a bad marriage. Another friend is unhappy not having someone special but won’t go online dating. HELLOOOOOO people!!! Wake up call – the guardian angel is NOT coming. Go change your life now.

And, if you want to feel like a better person IMMEDIATELY – how much do we LOVE instant gratification??? Do this:

-      Send a thank you note to someone who just did something for you – invited you to lunch, talked you up when you were down, bought you something. And please don’t do that ridiculous online card thing. It is so impersonal and lame. The post office still works people. Wouldn’t you love to get a card amongst all those bills?
-      Walk a dog – most animal shelters will let you come by and take dogs out for much-needed walks. They don’t have enough staff to walk all the dogs they have. It is free and their schedules are extremely flexible.
-      Shopping spree – take $20 and go to the grocery store or .99 cents store and buy some canned food. Not that unhealthy crap but some vegetables and soup and stuff. Go drop it off at Salvation Army or any local charity. If you are like me, you may not even have to go to the store – plenty of stuff to shop right in my own cabinets.
-      Commit yourself – make a resolution (I know, I know) to volunteer, or do something charitable. Just google the kind of charity you want to get involved with and voila – instant goal.


Sunday, December 12, 2010


Happy Sunday Ladies!!

I am feeling charitable today, and not because it is Sunday. I was never much of a church-goer. However, I have a pile of letters on my desk from various charities begging for donations, so I feel the need to act.


Yes Tiny Tim, I agree! We should feel blessed this time of year and appreciate what we have. Now I am not going to get all crazy evangelical on you and give you a guilt trip, so don’t worry. I still look at magazines and complain that I can’t buy the latest $2,000 Gucci bag. Must be nice for whoever can do that. I still complain about not having enough closet space in the house, eventhough I have twice what I had when I lived in an apartment less than a year ago. We all want more. People living in huge houses find problems with it. People who we think have everything may not have love. A friend of mine was living in an $8 million dollar home and was in the worst marriage ever. She is out of it now, thank goodness. Everyone has a right to complain and want more. We have to have empathy for that. But that being said, we also need to have empathy for those who have less because there are a hell of a lot of them out there.

For years now, I have said I should find a pet project that gives back. I was on a board for Picture Me Happy, but they struggled to get it going and still are having problems. I joined Girl’s Inc. but did it right before my wedding and found it impossible to do much. And now the director I liked left. I’m not making excuses. Well, maybe I am. But I have decided that if others can find the time and energy to help people than so can I dammit. My friend Jerry just told me that his friend cooks food every other Sunday and a charity picks it up for the homeless. Every other Sunday. Talk about commitment! Now that’s a decent human being. And next weekend I will go to a holiday party that benefits Project Angel Food. My friend Edd does it every year and they raise thousands. So here I am, ready to do something. I found a great organization here called Orangewood Children’s Home for abused and neglected kids. In February, I will go and begin mentoring. My husband, when I told him I would mentor a child, joked “Poor kid.” I almost killed him. But then I laughed. He’s funny.

I also am going online now and donating some money to some charities. I don’t have much to give but I believe that if everyone gave $10 to a charity, it can quickly grow to thousands, even millions. I’m telling you this not so you can give me a big pat on the back and go “Oh Lindsley, you are such an amazing person!” and worship the ground I walk on. I’m telling you because I hope this inspires you.


A million charities need money. Go online and donate. Even $10 helps. I like Food Network’s campaign for Share Our Strength –  Or help your fellow female –

No problem! You can do so much. My dad used to take us to Salvation Army and help wrap gifts for kids. Or go donate your time to the local soup kitchen. Go shopping! In your closet. Go look. You and I both know you have tons of stuff in there that you either don’t wear anymore or are never going to wear. Donate it.

Help someone you don’t know have a happy holiday this year!

P.S. If those horrid women on “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” would spend less money on plastic surgery and clothes and more giving it to a worthy cause, there would be a lot less poverty. Nasty evil women!! Oh, and buying a $1,0000 ticket to a charity ball so everyone can see how gorgeous you are in your expensive gown and compete with all the other ladies on who has the best jewels is NOT charity. It’s self-serving and lame.

Friday, December 3, 2010


Hello ladies and Happy Holidays!!

It is this time of year that I find my single ladies (and the rest of the single general public) longing for the warmth of someone yummy to snuggle up with in front of the fire and to spend the holidays with. I myself have been there on numerous occasions lamenting the fact that I didn't have anyone special to spend moments like New Year's (good grief) with. Now that I am married, I can say WHO CARES!! but it sounds ridiculous because of course NOW that I am married I can say these things. So I truly understand my dear single ladies and I want to remind you AGAIN that it was not so long ago that I too was searching for what I thought felt like the Quest for The Holy Grail (mostly aspirational, possibly ficticious and highly unlikely). Therefore, I continue my TOP 10 List of Heinous Comments from the Peanut Galley that make single women go ape shit. Here we go:


This comment implies that I am setting the bar way too high or have some checklist in my purse or have unrealistic standards. “But why CAN’T I date an astronaut??!!!” I can see them imagining me thinking. Yes, I’m too picky. FINALLY someone figured it out! Oh thank you for solving this mystery for me! So that’s why I’m not riding off into the sunset with my Mr. Right. Obviously, like all the questions, this comment gets me REALLY worked up. Any gal who has been around the block knows this is ridiculous for anyone to say. Why if they only SAW the idiots, losers, jackasses, beautifully-challenged people we have said “Okay” to for a date, then these nay-sayers would just shut the hell up. Let’s review what my requirements are, shall we? And then we can see if I’m being unrealistic.

It’s kind of difficult to be starry-eyed and all mushy gushy thinking about our Prince Charming’s arrival when every day we are facing guys who are far from Princely and not-so-charming.  It’s like asking a kid to get excited about Santa Claus when they already know that it’s just Uncle Harry in a costume. The mystery and excitement is gone. Believe me, I still wish I lived in Santa Claus fantasy land and I definitely try to convince myself that Prince Charming is out there. Unfortunately, it seems that my Prince Charming is working those tights and shimmying at the gay bar, just got out of prison, is my plumber, is some dude wearing gold chains, having a mid-life crisis playing the way-too-young-for-him field, or he’s comfortably at home while his little wife makes him dinner.

I am looking for someone who is similar to my background - educated, comes from a decent upbringing, has a good job and makes at least what I make, and preferably doesn’t have a criminal record, a current wife or children. I’m not flexible on the wife or criminal record part, but I will consider children. Aesthetically, I prefer a guy who is about 6 feet, since I’m 5’9 (that’s 5”11 or so with heels), has hair (no Mr. Clean for me), isn’t an old geezer, is in relatively good shape and kinda cute. Does this mean that if a guy doesn’t meet ALL of these “standards” of mine, my “checklist” if you will, that I won’t consider a date? Hell no, it doesn’t. I’ve dated bald guys, short guys, guys who had no money, old guys, boring as hell guys, stupid guys, guys who made severely bad fashion choices, guys who never went to college and guys who weren’t that cute. Nobody who knows me well enough can say that I haven’t found the one because I’m too picky. It’s just not true. I feel like screaming back “Well, when I get really desperate and I’m ready to settle like you did, I’ll let you know!” I don’t really mean that. Well, sometimes I do. For the most part, I’m happy when people find “the one” and live happily ever after. It gives us single gals hope.

When people say you’re too picky, they should look in the mirror and see that it is actually a reflection on themselves. By you telling me that I’m too picky implies that, if I am not picky, I will find a man, which in turn implies that you must have lowered your standards to be with your man. Because that statement implies that to be picky is a bad thing. I like to simply say that I am a hopeless romantic and I want to feel that special weak-in-the-knees feeling for a guy. “Don’t you think everyone deserves that?” I ask. If I am in a particularly pissy mood, I will say “Well, don’t you love your husband like crazy? Did you settle?” Usually this will make them feel a bit awkward (good, they deserve it), and hopefully they will say that yes, indeed they are still in love with their hubby, and then you can triumphantly say “Well, don’t I deserve that?” There. Done.