CREATING YOUR OWN HOLIDAYS – HO HO HOME!

Hi Ladies, Elves and Mistletoe-lovers!

 

Tis the season. String the lights. Dust off the ornaments. Get out your fat pants. The holidays are a-comin’! And boy am I excited! This time of year, I am like a kid on Christmas eve or a pregnant lady in line for the ladies’ room – I am jumping up and down and I just can’t wait!!

I LOVE the holidays. Which is funny since I spent it as a youngster being carted back and forth between parents and later on, trying to figure out where the heck to spend them! But I am a romantic and a big softee beneath my “balls to the wall” smartass persona. I listen to Christmas songs every single moment from Thanksgiving onward and I already have cinnamon spice candles burning and homemade pumpkin ice cream in the freezer. Oh hells yeah.

So how does one take this commercialized albeit special season and make it one’s own? Here are some tips I have to making the holidays special for you and yours:

LIGHT IT:
Candles are cheap and create coziness. Get a holiday scented one and turn your home into instant holiday bliss. I buy tea candle lights by the truckload super cheap at www.Quickcandles.com
Even the most domestically-impaired urbanite can light a friggin candle!

PERSONALIZE IT:
This year is the first year my hubby are man and wife for the holidays, so I surprised him with personalized stockings with our nicknames and even one for Miss Winnie! And I bought a holiday welcome plaque with our family name on it for outside the house for just $15. I am obsessed with monograms and there are so many inexpensive fun decorating ideas that you can do. Go to www.Personalcreations.com (Warning; some of the stuff is uber-kitsch so sift through the Grandma crap and you will find some great stuff. Seeing your name on stuff just makes it so special.

SHARE IT:
Spread the joy ladies!!! No, you do not have to buy gifts for everyone. But this is the ONLY time of year to really celebrate being thankful and that warm, fuzzy feeling that we all deserve. Send cards, make people some pumpkin pie. My L.A. friends and I get together every single year for an annual Christmas brunch. It is something we look forward to all year and it is very special to us. Go create your own annual holiday get together with friends. They will absolutely appreciate it.

SHOW IT:
I LOVE holiday cards – as in family portraits. When I was single, I would do a card with me and Miss Winnie and it was so great because I felt like I had a family and no longer felt left out when my friends would send a card with their husband and kids on it. I was a grown-up dammit and I would create my own family. Everyone loved our cards.
And, you do not have to spend a fortune. Now, my husband and I go to the JCPenney Portrait studio and get our picture done. It is sooo fun and easy and the lighting is actually great. It is so cheap and the turnaround is one week. Go to www.jcpportraits.com and download the latest coupon. Just WAIT till you see our Xmas card this year - it's a doozy!


The hubby and I also create a hilarious holiday video which we post on Youtube. So easy and instant gratification. Go and make your own and remind those far away how entertaining you are!

SEE IT:
Six blow-up holiday figures on the front lawn may be a bit much and I’m not much of figurine keepsake gal, but don’t be shy when it comes to decoratin so everyone can see that it is holiday time at your place! Candy canes in bowls, the cinnamon-scented pine cones at Ralph’s supermarket (they are the bomb.com), wreaths, etc. And Do NOT forget to watch the classic films like Rudolph and my new favorite “Elf.”


ESCAPE IT:
When all is said and done and the last gift has been opened and the fruitcake thrown away, get away from it all. Some may really need it depending on family (I have two that particularly push me over the edge). We are lucky in California because there are tons of weekend getaways that are drivable and relatively inexpensive. Big bear, Palm Springs, Vegas, Lake Arrowhead. Take your honey and make a plan to GET AWAY. Even if you can’t get away until February, book it now. You will have something to look forward to in 2011. When I was single, I would treat myself to the spa on New Year’s Day. It was the most heavenly way to begin the new year. Pampered, refreshed and feeling groovy. If you can’t do any of these, then SLOW DOWN and go to the movies, lunch with friends. RELAX. Life will go by fast, fast and you need to enjoy some of it.

The holidays come once a year so don’t be a bah humbug or a scrooge. And if you do want to, then STAY AWAY from people and don’t bring others down. Have quiet time, read books, hibernate like the bears. Nothing wrong with that.

Happy Happy and Joy Joy to you most wonderful Ladies in the Pink!

TOP 10 QUESTIONS, COMMENTS AND OTHER THINGS MOST PAINFUL FROM THE PEANUT GALLERY

Hi Ladies!!!

Happy almost holidays!!

Here is #4 on my Top 10 List of comments and questions single ladies despise but often get from the peanut gallery e.g. friends, family and the general public. I hope you are enjoying them and I would love your comments!

Oh Ken, you're perfect!

4. QUESTION: “WHAT KIND OF GUY ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?”
This question makes me sigh out of sheer frustration. Single women want the same things for the most part, so to tell someone you want someone nice, funny, good-looking with a decent job sounds so obvious and trite. It sounds boring just writing it. Maybe the fact that I want someone educated and on the taller side would be REALLY unusual, but I doubt it. But it’s the truth. (And it’s what I got). Sure, some people might be deadset on someone Jewish or have a gag reflex for bald men, but single ladies have long learned that you can’t ask for too many specifics because your friends will get annoyed and then never set you up because you’re too picky (see #5 comment in the next blog). Plus, you never know when that really goofy-looking guy just happens to be the one who steals your heart (it happened to one of my friends).

So if we know what we are all looking for, then why do people ask the obvious – why why WHY? Don’t they know I have better things to do like talk to the dog? Are they expecting us to say something weird like “I want a count from a foreign land who has a castle and likes to wear plaid pants and has a jet and is a water polo player and shags like a stallion.” Do they honestly think we are looking for a man that doesn’t exist? When asked this question, I would love to reply “Well, what I’m really looking for is a fat, selfish, out of work hairy man, preferably an alcoholic who has no ambition or interests – the kind of guy who would never think to buy a girl flowers, even if he was a millionaire. Oh, and if he can have a flatulence problem and a low IQ, that would be REALLY great.” The look on their faces when I said this would be so satisfying. Or even more dramatic when asked what kind I want is to say “At this point in my dating career, at the point of desperation, I’m just hoping for someone who has all of their limbs and doesn’t smell too bad.” Boy would THAT get a fun reaction!

Maybe I’ll try it out. Another funny response would be to give them a really descriptive answer: “He should be 6’2, 43 years old, no tattoos, wear Oxford shirts, have short brown hair and blue eyes, and his name should begin with a D.” Now try to match that will ya!

Ladies, when asked this asinine question, you can simply answer  “I’m a fun gal so I’m willing to meet anyone. You never know.” Or just say “I don’t know. Whatchou got?” thereby putting them on the spot. Happy days.

WHILE THE CAT'S AWAY....

Hi Ladies!
I hope you are having a spectacular day! I find myself in a strange predicament:




I am all by myself! All alone. My husband is out of town on business and so I have to entertain myself. Harumph. I feel like a little kid. I don’t make the bed in the morning. I leave clothes strewn about. I am Eloise in the big hotel with no adult supervision. At first, I decide that I must must MUST have plans. I couldn’t possibly just be alone and do nothing. No no NO. I call my sister. She’s going to a taping of “Dancing with the Stars.” Darn it. I call one of my best gal pals. She has to work. Poop. I call a few others. “Come play with me!” No luck. It seems everyone has better things to do then come and keep me company.

At 6:00, I put in the spaghetti squash to roast because, hell, I got the damn squash and when you eat alone, you eat some random stuff. I recall many single nights eating string cheese and steamed snap peas or maybe cereal. I love cereal. I know. Not exactly gourmet. At 7:00, I open a bottle of wine. I debate whether  I should open the $16 bottle or the $8 bottle. Perhaps I should wait to have the nicer bottle with my husband. But then I get empowered and say “Hey, it’s my wine too and it’s a measly $16!!! What are you worrying about woman?! I consider this while feeding the dog. I open the nicer wine and pour myself a glass and try to find something decent to watch on tv. It’s all crap. I sigh.
I cook some chicken and eat it with the squash. That took 15 minutes. Now what? It’s only 8 p.m. and I am completely bored. I try to remember how the hell I spent my time when I was single. Didn’t I go crazy sitting at home?  I recall going out to dinner, movies with my friends. How quickly my social calendar has filled up with “dinner with hubby.” It’s funny that now married 4 1/2 months, I am still not so thrilled about being “home alone.” I suppose if I was married 10 years, I would probably be leaping for joy at having the house to myself. I have always been very social and prefer to have people around.

I should have gone to yoga, but that would have been way too productive. So after eating a huge bowl of ice cream and sobbing at the finale of GLEE, I realize I must be in severe PMS stage. Maybe it’s best that my husband is not around.

Sitting on the couch alone suddenly takes me back to last year when Jonathan and I were just dating and I was a visitor at the house. I felt now that awkwardness of being alone in someone else’s house. Although this was now OUR house, together as man and wife. Looking around, I see all the redecorating we did together as a couple. I need to learn to really feel that this is my house too and that will take time. There are moments when I feel right at home and then moments when I feel like I am in a foreign place. It’s really weird. It’s amazing how your home defines who you are. It is a reflection of you. The good news is that I have forever to make this place my own and truly identify with it. For now, my dog Winnie and I will cozy up on the couch and wait for the hubby to come home to us!!

Note to the ladies – be thankful for what you have, where you are RIGHT NOW. Light a candle, open some nice wine, buy a little house item that will make you smile. You deserve it. When you are married and have kids screaming and the husband is driving you nuts, you will pray for a quiet moment to yourself. When you are single and at home alone, you will be dreaming of being with someone, cuddling up. When you live in the city, you dream of the countryside. When you live in the suburbs, you want to go to the big bad city. So Just for right now, at this moment, just BE.